everything was fine all the while. but now than i realised, actuali there is real problems between me and my mum. Sometimes i just feel that im not her real daughter. reali. haiz. but from young until now, i nv ever had this kind of feeling before de. how come suddenly got? when eating dinner together, how come i will feel left out? last time dun have de leh..
Recently, i was sick. On one particular night, we were all sitting in the living room watching tv. I took out the thermometer to take my body temperature. It was 38.6 degrees celsius! High fever leh. I just kept quiet. My mum knew i was takin temperature. But she din even asked me what was my temperature. She just walked into the bedroom and slp. =.= The reason for me to keep quiet is becoz i want her to ask me personally. I want her to care for me. But she didn't. nvm. so i din tell her. and i nv complained abt my sickness becoz i dun want to waste her money visiting the doctor. the next day, the fever was gone, and my sickness got slightly better. Despite being sick, i still went down to the shop to help her look after it for awhile. Becoz i know she have to eat lunch. But in the end, she asked me to do this and do that. wth. I am sick leh. how come she dun understand the meaning of "sick"? even if i nv tell her that im sick, she can tell from my behaviour wat. And somemore i was wearing sweater leh. even an auntie can also ask me whether im sick anot. so is she trying to pretend that she dunno im sick? im so damn sad. if the one who was sick is my younger brother, she surely will be very anxious de lor. thats why i think she dun treat me as her daughter.
few days back, i was eating dinner at the coffee shop wif one of my fren. she came and said something to me: "Eh, 你买饭给你妹妹了没有?!! 快点买! 然后给我!我要回家了!”. this is how rude she is. my fren said how come ur mum so rude to you de? ony after what he said then i realised how rude she was to me. Maybe i didn't notice becoz i was used to it bah. haha. funny leh. where got mother speak like this to her child de. maybe im not her cihld lah.
another thing is trust. I nd her trust. Why she canot give me her trust? Everytime must suspect me. suspect this suspect that. walao, come on lah. im her child leh. canot even trust me meh? everytime i will go study with my frens. i reali study! bt she will suspect me. say i go out play. =.= does she know how hurt it is? maybe to others this may not seem hurting, but to me, im reali hurt by this comment. u know why? becoz i was reali studying. i was studying very very hard. my mid-year results reali improved alot. but she just suspect me like that. i canot accept this comment. I study hard for her, but she dun care abt me. why should i study? haha.
She asked me to give my bro tuition and she say she will pay me. I agreed to it. Initially, i dun want to teach de lor. Bt in the end i agreed becoz i want to help my bro improve. U know how much she pays me? $70 for 3 subjects. 1 wk 5 days! Very cheap le lor. extremely cheap lor. ppl may think family wat, why must pay money de. but u think again, im sec4 this year. i nd my own time to study. i shouldn't be giving tuition de lor. but i accepted it becoz of my bro. my bro is only p5 this year leh, still got one year plus to PSLE. for me leh? less than half a year. but she dun care abt my o levels de. is this favouritism? sometimes i reali hate her. this year is olvl. most of my frens engage tuition teachers to help them improve. but for me, she say i dunnd tuition ? becoz i can cope on myself. so i relied on myself. my bro leh? only PSLE leh.. more important then me meh? funny leh..
Maybe hor, in her eyes, im just a worker in her shop, who will help her to do the things she dunno how to do. I just dun belong here. sad.